The Inside Joke
You and this friend can talk for days about shit that you both find hilarious but everyone else has no fucking idea what you're talking about. Its like a different language. "Holey socks!" "Ha ha ha... that's almost as funny as "Rebecca the robot" Yeah, see.
The Connection
This is your friend that always knows about parties. They are either on their way to a party, at a party, or know of seven parties. They are very useful and usually the first one you call to find a party.
The Mooch
You go with your friend to get some food or a club and they magically never have money. "Don't worry bro, I got ya next time." Next time he forgot his wallet. Great.
The Shit Show
I have a few of these friends. What ever you guys do together they needs to get their drink on. They are basically an alcoholic but would not be much fun sober... which you've never seen them be. It was normal at parties and tailgates, but who needs a shot of Jager at my little cousin's school play?
The Celeb
This person is technically your friend but you don't really hang out with them. When you hang out with them its a special occasion and you tell all your other non-celeb friends. They like you, but not as much as you like them.
The 89er
This is sometimes one of your friends younger brothers or freshmen, but they are cool enough to hang out. "89er" comes from the year most of them were born in. Most of your time is spent explaining what Saved By The Bell was and why Transformers were cool way before the movie.
The Dude With Boobs
This is your female friend that for some reason you are not attracted to at all and confuse with your guy friends. She can drink as much as you, watches football, and has boobs.
The Black Friend
The one or two black people that hang out with you for some reason. You never miss a chance to take a picture with them and tell all your other white friends about the time they "went ghetto" on someone. You jokingly said the N word around them, your broken nose made sure that never happened again.
The Awesome
This person is a golden god. You were on the varsity basketball team, they were on the state champion team. When ever you play sports together they make a fool of you. Surprisingly, they are quite modest, unlike yourself.
The Scruff
This is your friend that refused to shave so he can look older. He is younger than you but looks older than your dad. He may never get laid because of his Grizzly Adams beard, but he can get into the club and you cant.
The Ferris Van Morris
This friend of yours has everything handed to them and acts like its no big deal. They are like Ferris Bueller, Zach Morris and Van Wilder mixed into one unstoppable dude.
The POS
You are confused why this douche is even your friend, but they are always around. Their jokes are horrible and they are just a piece of shit, but their your buddy, so yeah.
The Treasure Holder
This person is cool, don't get me wrong. But, the only reason you kick it with them is when family weekend rolls around you can make a move on their hot sibling. After you accomplish the feat, your friendship will suddenly diminish.
The Unstoppable Pimp
Similar to the Get Anything Friend, they get anyone they want. Theyhave been with ten times the amount of people as you but is clean by some miracle by God. Oh you like that person? They nailed them last semester..
The Tank
This is your biggest friend. He is the size of Jerome Bettis. Whenever you're out with him you feel like you can talk shit to anyone. The only fights you get in are with him having your back. You never get a punch in, but who cares, you won.
The Grandpa/Grandma
This friend is older so you always give them nicknames like "Blue" and "Old Man River." They acts like they don't care but one day they are gonna beat you with their cane. This friend is usually only 2.5 years older than you. Also, this is what The 89er calls you behind your back.
The Fucking Woman
You are almost positive that this dude is a chick. He gets his eyebrows waxed, takes baths and is dramatic as fuck... but he can still kick your ass.
The Smart Stoner
Just as it sounds, this friend smokes 5 pounds of weed a day but has double your GPA. They will smoke a bowl before a test for good luck... and it will work.
The Pop Culture Clusterfuck
As soon as Napoleon Dynamite was out they were all over that shit, quoting it every day. They watches 13 hours of TV a day and knows everything about everything that isn't important at all.
The Pussy
This is your friend that is in a long term relationship and can never go out. "Yo man, we're going to the bar, lets go!" Um... me and the girl/guy are gonna watch Maid In Manhattan, sorry man." You sometimes wonder if assassinating their significant other would be that bad of an idea.
So there it is, I have very diverse and crazy friends, and each of these can relate to one of my friends... so go ahead and guess who you are.
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