No. 4 How to be cool

I know how it is, you're a little awkward, don't have many friends, and haven't really tried any hard drugs, yet. But don't put your roommates toaster in the bathtub just yet, there's hope. Just listen up...

Sunglasses
Wear them. All the time. During the day. At the movies. At church. People will notice and respect you. The dude with the sunglasses on at the party always has loads of coke, and we all know coke is totally gnarly.

Vocabulary
Use words that were totally cool during the 90's. Tubular, righteous, neat-o.... actually don't use that, fag. People will be like "whoa man, haven't heard anyone say radical in forever, high five!"

Half-words
Now that you have your righteous new lingo, you have to start saying words only half way. Only losers say the whole word. Instead of whatever say "what ev," instead of saying session say "sesh," instead of saying douchbag say "D-bag." In no time you will be chillin, having a smoke sesh when a D-bag comes by and asks for a hit and you'll be like "what ev."

Coke
Not the soda, cool people drink Pepsi. Just blow alot of lines then brag about it to friends and family, high-fiveing will ensue.

Steal
Now that you have those badass sunglasses you have to prove you badassness. Go to the liquor store and rob the place. No need for a weapon, get away car, or a hoodie. Just look real mean and demand money. Now you have more money for new sunglasses.... and Coke!

Bandanna
Bandanna, not banana (I know, I get confused too). You gotta have a bandanna. Snoop Dogg wears them and he is badass.

Tunage
Bump some tunes in you Camry that your mom bought you for your 16th birthday. People will hear you coming from far away, and a large crowd will gather to see how amazing you are.

Hit on chicks
Cool dudes hit on chicks like it's nothing. So, while at a party/event/church picnic just hit on every girl you see. Grabbing her ass and whistling works too. And if she gives you the cold shoulder, just tell everyone she has ghonoria.

Fuck your friends
Not litterally, unless you want to, but please use a condom. Say good-bye to your old friends and yo to your new friends (cool people say yo instead of hello). Your new friends will use cool lingo and do a lot of coke while wearing bandanna's and sunglasses. Your old friends will go to class and have a future, what a bunch of fags. When you see your old friends punch them in the ear and run away.

There you go, these tips should assure your coolness. Just remember never smile in pictures, carry a hand gun, and throw objects at cute animals.