No.3 Erecting Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem according to the Free Online Dictionary is pride in ones self....

So, are you down in the dumps, a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, have you recently watched the Canada vs. United States junior hockey game, or always get turned down by that hottie your interested in? Well just think in 20 years that person will be and old maid/man and nobody will ever love them. Here are some ways to help you raise your self-esteem.

Have your friend re-tell you the story of the day their dog got ran over by a car.
- It will remind you of your alive dog.

Go to Wal-mart
- Seeing those sub-humans can make you feel better.

Visit a retirement home.
- Be sure to let them know you will outlive them.

Sign up for charity work.
- No need to actually do the charity work. Signing up alone will make you feel better.

Curse around children.
- Teaching them new vocabulary will make their parents happy.

Date a real fat person.
- Like a really fat one... 400lbs. Make sure not to take them out in public, (cranes can be expensive) and have them do everything for you and make them fall in love with you. Leave them. Your self-esteem will go up and theirs will go down, like a see-saw! (Caution: do not go on see-saw with fat person.)

Have a child.
- This is a 9 month process (and if its too much work, just steal one) but well worth it. Once they become old enough to stand you have yourself a servant.

Ask your Jewish friend what they would like for Christmas.
- self explanitory and halarious.

Drink Alot.
- Your life seems so much more cooler and intersting when you are drunk. Even when its by yourself on a sunday morning.

Go back to middle school.
- Outsmart all of those 13 year olds. Too tough?? Try elementary school.

Read a book.
- Ha ha just kidding, we all know you arent really smart enough to read it...

Smoke some drugs.
- or inject them... see drink alot.

Good luck everyone! Also, if this doesn't seem to work. It is probably because I gave you horrible advice.