No. 5 How to be sarcastic

Sarcasm is a finely wroght tool that can be honed and used for good or bad purposes. Warning... if you use sarcasm at the wrong time or with the wrong person you may seriously offend them... then again isnt that the point?

Step 1:
Choose your target carefully. Start with the next police officer that pulls you over for speeding through a school zone... as he/she approaches the window start sniffing proclaiming how you enjoy the smell of bacon, or choose the biggest guy in the bar, when he looks at you funny ask him if he has the muscles he does to compensate for something else.

Step 2:
Be tactful and tasteful. Choose your fattest friend and make fun of them time and time again with your new found talent, another friend will work as well for practice as long as they have something they are insecure about... by choosing a friend you already know their insecurities and can plan your sarcastic comments ahead of time to hone in and attack that insecurity.

Step 3:
Deliver your joke quickly. If you wait to long your joke will lose its desired insulting, sarcastic effect, making you look twice as stupid as the person you are making fun of. If you aren't quick witted (you probably shouldn't even be attempting to be sarcastic) a good way to buy urself a few seconds is to stare at the person with a small smile on your face. If you manage to think of a gnarly comment, say it dumbass. If not smile and shake you head as if to say "that was way to easy, your not worth it"

Step 4:
Poke fun. Use those sunglasses that make you super cool and stare at people, look at what they are wearing, how they are acting, and what they look like. While doing this build your arsinol against them, what famous person do they dress like who has no fashion sense, what cartoon character do they remind you of? Say it even at the most non appropriate time... like when your best friend is telling you about how their boyfriend just broke up with them, tell them its probably because they dress like Mary-kate Olsen, they look homeless.

Step 5:
Over use your new found talent. Since, besides looking really cool and doing lots of drugs, your only real talent is now sarcasm, use it every chance you get. Making fun of people anywhere at any time, in church, out grocerie shopping, at a job interview, when dealing with a client these people will now see how you have more talent then just seeming to be a super cool person. The more insulting your jibes are, the more people will respect you and want to spend time with you to sponge off your coolness and talent.